are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
