then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
