Having a random hookup so left but love u
thus making me awesome and them whores
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
