her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
NoShamevember. You game?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
