I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
