Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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