corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
