i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
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