yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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