she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You are a genius and a whore.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
