There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
