I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
