We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
