i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
