"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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