my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
