But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
