last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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