He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
