i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
