Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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