My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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