i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
