im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
