i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
