i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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