Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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