I am spending my child support on dildos
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
