1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
