Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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