new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
