Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
