I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
