You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
