he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
