So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
