Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
