But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
