I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
