just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
