My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
