They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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