I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
