Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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