I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
