I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
It's never too late to be topless.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
