I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
