you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
