dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
