Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
