I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
