he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
