I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
