Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
