i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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