Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
