I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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