He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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